The Ridiculous Business Jargon Dictionary: V-words
Do you wonder where your co-workers picked up all the ridiculous things they say? From fresh-faced interns to top management, everyone drops one of these gems occasionally. We can only hope that you're not here to actually add buzzwords to your vocabulary.
Value proposition [n.]
The collection of tangible and intangible things that your product offers.
Value stream [n.]
The full set of processes through which a product passes over its lifespan. Some add value, while others take it away.
Value-add [exp.]
A typical biz speak reversal of 'added value.' "We have to evaluate the value-add of this activity before we drop any more money." Suggested by Fred D.
Vanilla [adj.]
Simple, conservative. "Stop being so vanilla and help me shred these documents."
Vapor trail [n.]
What follows behind a coworker that uses far too much perfume or cologne. Someone should really say something...
Vaporware [n.]
1) Overhyped software that misses a promised release date so many times that even die-hard fanboys lose interest. 2) A tactic used by salesman to sidestep your complaints by selling you the (nonexistent) next version of their product. Suggested by Jacada.
Veal pen [n.]
A cubicle. So how tender do you think you are at this point?
Vector [v.]
Move. "We'll vector that up to the operations unit right away." Suggested by Kelly B.
Velvet lip [n.]
A gift for smooth talking. "Who's that new PR guy with the velvet lip?"
Verbiage [n.]
Descriptive writing. "Here's the outline for our strategy in the coming fiscal year... we'll fill in the verbiage later." Suggested by Corinna S.
Verbification [v.]
See verbing.
Verbing [v.]
The process of transforming an innocent noun into a business verb.
Vicious agreement [n.]
That's a lot of agreement. "You can drop the high-touch sales routine. We're in vicious agreement."
Village hall meeting [n.]
An unfortunate derivative of 'town hall meeting', this is a relatively small meeting held by relatively middle management. The same pretense of open discussion applies. Suggested by Dave
Visibility to [n.]
Access to information about a given subject. "I can't give you visibility to unpublished earnings data." Suggested by Angela
Vision [n.]
The bold leadership direction that every manager claims, even if it changes every two weeks.
Visioning [v.]
Meeting to plan future directions. "Keep your afternoon clear for a visioning session with the project leads." Suggested by Sarah.
Voldis [n.]
Volume discount. "What kind of voldis are we talking at 1000 units?"
Voluntold [v.]
Volunteered for something by a superior, when there was really no choice in the matter. Suggested by Leesy.
Vubicle [n.]
A cubicle that abuts a window; a cubicle with a view. When offices aren't available, it's the little things that help managers feel superior.
Vulture capitalists [n.]
Ruthless investors that typically wait to help liquidate the remaining assets of failed companies.