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Have you ever dated a coworker?

No, that's a line I don't cross
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Tried it, won't do it again
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The Ridiculous Business Jargon Dictionary


Do you wonder where your co-workers picked up all the ridiculous things they say? From fresh-faced interns to top management, everyone drops one of these gems occasionally. We can only hope that you're not here to actually add these buzzwords to your vocabulary.
FRESH FROM
THE FIELD

Into the weeds

Work the problem

Verbiage

SWAG

Velvet lip

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Macromanager [n.]A manager that tries to direct matters outside of her department.
Mad money [n.]Cash that is saved and spent unpredictably.
Magic bullet [n.]The perfect solution to a given business problem. Unfortunately, it can't be used to shoot the person dropping terms like this.
Submitted by Steve B.
Major player [n.]A person of influence and power within a given group. "So who are the major players at the table?"
Submitted by David.
Make waves [v.]To cause conflict or argument.
Making sausage [v.]When employees discuss potential financial gains from a customer, in the presence of the customer. "The next time I catch you making sausage in front of a client, you're fired."
Submitted by Dan.
Malicious obedience [n.]The act of following a boss's instructions explicitly, while hoping for failure. It can also involve remaining quiet about any discovered mistakes or poor judgement.
Marketecture [n.]Technical advertising, usually including diagrams. "Make sure their techies get our latest piece of marketecture."
Submitted by Matt F.
McJob [n.]A demeaning or low ranking position.
Meanderthal [n.]A person who has difficulty expressing themselves succinctly. They often give long, unfocused presentations.
Meat and potatoes [v.]Basic or traditional. "Your meat and potatoes approach isn't going to work with this crowd."
Submitted by Mrs. B. Trellis of North Wales.
Melt-down [n.]Complete product failure.
Meritocracy [n.]An organization in which the success of individuals is claimed to be based on their aptitude, or merit.
Meta ignorance [n.]Being unaware of what you don't know. A common problem for managers and politicians.
Mickey Mouse [adj.]A trivial solution.
Milk [v.]To take advantage of a favourable situation. "Andrea's really milking the fact that she's the boss's daughter.
Mission critical [adj.]Something that is vital to the success of your business. Easy on the army lingo, soldier.
Mom-and-pop [n.]A small-time operation.
Mommy track [n.]The dead-end career path on which those with family responsibilities sometimes find themselves.
Monday morning quarterback [n.]A person who offers criticism only after something negative has occurred.
Mouse potato [n.]The modern cousin of the couch potato. They typically spend hour after hour in front of the computer.
Move things forward [v.]A generic way of saying 'get something done', without actually having to think about what that entails.
Submitted by Paul G.
Mucus trooper [n.]Your colleague that always gets the worst colds, yet still makes it in to work to cough it all over you.
Multi-slacker [n.]A person who can perform many unproductive things at the same time. These include phone conversations, instant messaging, and web surfing, often on company time.
Muppet shuffle [v.]The shifting of under-performing or troublesome employees to other unsuspecting departments.
Submitted by David.
Mushroom principle [n.]A management practice that involves keeping subordinates in the dark and feeding them s***.
Submitted by Elliott.


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