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Have you ever dated a coworker?

No, that's a line I don't cross
No, but I'd consider it with the right person
One night doesn't count as dated, right?
Tried it, won't do it again
Yes, business AND pleasure
Had to invite half the office to the wedding...



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The Ridiculous Business Jargon Dictionary


Do you wonder where your co-workers picked up all the ridiculous things they say? From fresh-faced interns to top management, everyone drops one of these gems occasionally. We can only hope that you're not here to actually add these buzzwords to your vocabulary.
FRESH FROM
THE FIELD

Twobicle

HiPPO

Powerpoint Bunny

Whitehouse decision

Rocking a pair of doobs

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D-PAD [v.]Downloading Porn All Day. When an employee has nothing to do. "Now that the project is finished, I'm looking forward to a little D-PAD."
Submitted by minorfall.
Data-point [n.]An area of factual inquiry.
Submitted by Joe O.
De-integrate [v.]To disassemble. "We're going to have to de-integrate the entire assembly and start from scratch."
De-tune [v.]To minimize in style or message. Synonym: tone-down. "You really need to de-tune those hideous slides."
Submitted by Natalie R.
Dead stick [adj.]Describes a project that has lost momentum. This is an aviation term used when a plane is on the verge of losing control.
Submitted by Derrick.
Dead wood [n.]An employee that no longer contributes anything meaningful to an organization.
Deceptionist [n.]A receptionist whose job is actually to delay or block potential visitors. Ruthless with a polite, perfect smile.
Deck [n.]A PowerPoint slide presentation. "Clean up those slides before you even think about running that deck again."
Submitted by Gomo.
Decruit [v.]A clever euphemism for firing senior employees. "The board is pushing for decruitment."
Submitted by Amanda G.
Deep dive [n.]An in-depth study.
Deep pockets [n.]Rich investors. "We need to get a few more deep pockets involved in this venture."
Deep six [exp.]A military term meaning 'to dispose of.'
Deferred success [n.]A term used to postpone the declaration of failure, as if a positive result is guaranteed (just not right now). "The project was a deferred success; we're confident that things will pick up in the next quarter."
Submitted by Aidan.
Dehire [v.]To fire.
Deja moo [exp.]The nagging feeling that you've heard this BS before.
Delagatorship [n.]A business entity run by someone incapable of decision-making.
Submitted by Matt F.
Deliver the goods [v.]To come through on an agreement.
Deselect [v.]To fire or let go. "We need to deselect 5 people from your department to meet our cost targets for the year."
Submitted by Don.
Desk dive [n.]The painful crawl underneath your desk to unplug equipment or fetch a dropped item. Often accompanied by a few grunts if one is overweight.
Submitted by Jessica.
Desk jockey [exp.]An office worker. If you're enjoying yourself here, this might be a good name for you.
Deskfast [n.]Breakfast eaten at your desk.
Dial and smile [n.]Phone calls intended to recruit new customers.
Dial-in [v.]A simply terrible way to say 'include'. "I'd like to dial-in the marketing department on this one."
Dialogue [v.]To have a conversation. Another innocent noun turned into a painful verb, "Let's dialogue later about the Miller account."
Dialogue marketing [n.]A marketing strategy that intends to create a rapport with the customer.
Different breed [adj.]Something unusual. It is often used as a derogatory reference to a person.
Digerati [n.]An elite group of people that know more about computers than you ever will.
Dime store [n.]A business selling very cheap items.
DINK [n.]Double Income, No Kids.
Dinosaur [n.]A long-term company employee whose extensive experience is only surpassed by his resistance to change.
Submitted by Aaron D.
Dirty laundry [n.]Questionable business practices or materials that an organization would prefer to remain undisclosed.
Dirty pool [exp.]Unethical practices. "Her lawyers are really playing dirty pool on this one."
Disambiguate [v.]An ironic 5-syllable word used in place of 'clarify.'
Disconnect [n.]An inconsistency or problem. Yet another example of the business world making a terrible noun out of a perfectly good verb.
Disimpress [v.]To reverse a favourable impression with subsequent behaviour. "We liked him after the first interview, but he really disimpressed us in the second round."
Submitted by Jason I.
Disincentivize [v.]To eliminate the motivation to make a particular choice. Use this one at your own risk.
Disintermediate [v.]The process of removing the middle man. Lord help us.
Doability [adj.]Used to describe whether an activity can be undertaken. "I need to confirm the doability of that request."
Submitted by Beneboy
Dog [n.]A badly performing product or company.
Dog and pony show [n.]A presentation that's insultingly simplistic.
Dogfooding [v.]The practice of forcing developers to use their own product (or 'eat their own dog food') to understand what the customer is subjected to. One step further than product testing, this is often a good cure for engineering arrogance.
Submitted by Programmer Type.
DOMA [exp.]Die Or Move Away. One way in which to lose customers.
DOMO [exp.]DOwnwardly MObile. A young person who changes their priorities and quits a high paying, demanding position.
Don't f*** with payroll [exp.]Blunt advice about avoiding romantic or sexual relationships with co-workers.
Submitted by Max
Don't fight the tape [exp.]Don't oppose what the market dictates.
Dopeler effect [exp.]The principle that stupid ideas sound better when they come at you quickly.
Double dip [v.]To retire, but then start another career.
Double-time [exp.]A military term meaning to act quickly. "Get that invoice out double-time!"
Dovetail [v.]To expand upon a fellow employee's idea. Claiming it as your own is optional.
Submitted by Johnny P.
Down and dirty [adj.]To perform a task quickly without an immediate consideration of quality.
Down round [n.]A period in which a company's value is decreasing in the eyes of investors.
Downsize [v.]To reduce the size of a workforce. Often begins with requests for voluntary resignations and ends with a series of layoffs.
Drill down [v.]To look into thoroughly. "Let's meet this afternoon and drill down on this one."
Drink from the firehose [v.]To be inundated with information.
Submitted by Crazy Renee.
Drink the Kool-aid [v.]To accept company policy without question.
Drive beyond the headlights [v.]To get ahead of oneself. "Stop me if I'm driving beyond my headlights here, but I want to share an amazing home-based business with you that could change your life."
Submitted by Crazy Renee.
Drop-dead date [n.]The REAL deadline. Missing it often means dire consequences.
Dub-dub-dub [n.]A quicker (and nerdier) way to refer to the beginning of a website address or the world wide web in general. "You have to check out dub-dub-dub dot..."
Submitted by Chandra C.
Duck shuffler [n.]Someone who disrupts your affairs after you've finally gotten all your 'ducks in a row.'
Ducks in a row [exp.]To become organized.
Due Diligence [n.]The thoroughness required to ensure success in business decision-making.
Submitted by Pulkit B.


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