The Ridiculous Business Jargon Dictionary: D-words

Do you wonder where your co-workers picked up all the ridiculous things they say? From fresh-faced interns to top management, everyone drops one of these gems occasionally. We can only hope that you're not here to actually add buzzwords to your vocabulary.

D-PAD [v.]	Downloading Porn All Day. When an employee has nothing to do. "Now that the project is finished, I'm looking forward to a little D-PAD." Suggested by minorfall.
Daily driver [n.]	Functional, reliable equipment for day-to-day productivity. "The touchscreen is cute, but it won't replace my daily driver."
Data-point [n.]	An area of factual inquiry. Suggested by Joe O.
De-integrate [v.]	To disassemble. "We're going to have to de-integrate the entire assembly and start from scratch."
De-layering [v.]	An excuse to fire every other link in the chain without reducing the total workload. (see also, Empowerment) Suggested by Jane W.
De-tune [v.]	To minimize in style or message. Synonym: tone-down. "You really need to de-tune those hideous slides." Suggested by Natalie R.
Dead stick [adj.]	Describes a project that has lost momentum. This is an aviation term used when a plane is on the verge of losing control. Suggested by Derrick.
Dead wood [n.]	An employee that no longer contributes anything meaningful to an organization.
Deceptionist [n.]	A receptionist whose job is actually to delay or block potential visitors. Ruthless with a polite, perfect smile.
Decision sniper [n.]	The person that sits quietly in a meeting until just before a decision is reached, then raises a question that forces the group to reconvene later. Suggested by Brian W.
Deck [n.]	A PowerPoint slide presentation. "Clean up those slides before you even think about running that deck again." Suggested by Gomo.
Decruit [v.]	A clever euphemism for firing senior employees. "The board is pushing for decruitment." Suggested by Amanda G.
Deep dive [n.]	An in-depth study.
Deep pockets [n.]	Rich investors. "We need to get a few more deep pockets involved in this venture."
Deep six [exp.]	A military term meaning 'to dispose of.'
Deferred success [n.]	A term used to postpone the declaration of failure, as if a positive result is guaranteed (just not right now). "The project was a deferred success; we're confident that things will pick up in the next quarter." Suggested by Aidan.
Dehire [v.]	To fire.
Deja moo [exp.]	The nagging feeling that you've heard this BS before.
Delagatorship [n.]	A business entity run by someone incapable of decision-making. Suggested by Matt F.
Deliver the goods [v.]	To come through on an agreement.
Delta [n.]	Pretty much the coolest way to speak about a change or difference. "We're talking about a 2% delta on the cap rate." Suggested by Cash M.
Deploy [v.]	Execute; release to the public. Makes the speaker feel like he's planning D-Day instead of some insipid PR launch. Suggested by Irene G.
Descope [v.]	The art of removing requirements or features from a project to make it appear completed. "The web deliverable was descoped yesterday and victory was declared." Suggested by JCSmith.
Deselect [v.]	To fire or let go. "We need to deselect 5 people from your department to meet our cost targets for the year." Suggested by Don.
Desk dive [n.]	The painful crawl underneath your desk to unplug equipment or fetch a dropped item. Often accompanied by a few grunts if one is overweight. Suggested by Jessica.
Desk jockey [exp.]	An office worker. If you're enjoying yourself here, this might be a good name for you.
Deskfast [n.]	Breakfast eaten at your desk.
Diagonal slice meeting [n.]	A large meeting involving staff from several teams. Try not to think about costs as 26 people discuss their feelings. Suggested by Henry H.
Dial and smile [n.]	Phone calls intended to recruit new customers.
Dial-in [v.]	A simply terrible way to say 'include'. "I'd like to dial-in the marketing department on this one."
Dialogue [v.]	To have a conversation. Another innocent noun turned into a painful verb, "Let's dialogue later about the Miller account."
Dialogue marketing [n.]	A marketing strategy that intends to create a rapport with the customer.
Diarize [v.]	To ensure that all relevant details are recorded. "Don't pack up until these learnings are diarized." Suggested by Lesley.
Diary forward [v.]	Record new knowledge and apply it in the future. "The manager will conduct a 15 minute walk-around every day and diary this forward to cover all shifts." Suggested by Rob A.
Different breed [adj.]	Something unusual. It is often used as a derogatory reference to a person.
Digerati [n.]	An elite group of people that know more about computers than you ever will.
Dime store [n.]	A business selling very cheap items.
DINK [n.]	Double Income, No Kids.
Dinosaur [n.]	A long-term company employee whose extensive experience is only surpassed by his resistance to change. Suggested by Aaron D.
Dipping your pen in company ink [v.]	Having sexual relations with a coworker. Suggested by Brad
Directionally accurate [adj.]	A terrible euphamism for describing a failed guess. "You have to admit that our conclusion was at least directionally accurate." Suggested by ACP.
Dirty laundry [n.]	Questionable business practices or materials that an organization would prefer to remain undisclosed.
Dirty pool [exp.]	Unethical practices. "Her lawyers are really playing dirty pool on this one."
Disambiguate [v.]	An ironic 5-syllable word used in place of 'clarify.'
Disconnect [n.]	An inconsistency or problem. Yet another example of the business world making a terrible noun out of a perfectly good verb.
Disimpress [v.]	To reverse a favourable impression with subsequent behaviour. "We liked him after the first interview, but he really disimpressed us in the second round." Suggested by Jason I.
Disincentivize [v.]	To eliminate the motivation to make a particular choice. Use this one at your own risk.
Disintermediate [v.]	The process of removing the middle man. Lord help us.
DK [n.]	Short for Don't Know. To renege on a deal by claiming that terms are missing or incorrect. "Joan DK'ed me when her options took a bath." Suggested by Papa
Do the needful [exp.]	A reminder to actually do the work you're being paid for. "…and if that means coming in Sunday, we're going to do the needful." Suggested by Michael W.
Doability [adj.]	Used to describe whether an activity can be undertaken. "I need to confirm the doability of that request." Suggested by Beneboy
Dog [n.]	A badly performing product or company.
Dog and pony show [n.]	A presentation that's insultingly simplistic.
Dog in this fight [n.]	Presence in a given market. "Find out what the competition is up to, and make damn sure we get a dog in this fight." Suggested by Jack.
Dogfooding [v.]	The practice of forcing developers to use their own product (or 'eat their own dog food') to understand what the customer is subjected to. One step further than product testing, this is often a good cure for engineering arrogance. Suggested by Programmer Type.
DOMA [exp.]	Die Or Move Away. One way in which to lose customers.
DOMO [exp.]	DOwnwardly MObile. A young person who changes their priorities and quits a high paying, demanding position.
Don't f*** with payroll [exp.]	Blunt advice about avoiding romantic or sexual relationships with co-workers. Suggested by Max
Don't fight the tape [exp.]	Don't oppose what the market dictates.
Don't get your meat where you make your bread [exp.]	A food metaphor about the perils of hooking up with coworkers. Suggested by Jason F.
Donkey work [n.]	Mundane tasks requiring minimal skill to complete. "I'm so over dealing with this donkey work. Internships are the worst."
Dopeler effect [exp.]	The principle that stupid ideas sound better when they come at you quickly.
Double dip [v.]	To retire, but then start another career.
Double-time [exp.]	A military term meaning to act quickly. "Get that invoice out double-time!"
Dovetail [v.]	To expand upon a fellow employee's idea. Claiming it as your own is optional. Suggested by Johnny P.
Down and dirty [adj.]	To perform a task quickly without an immediate consideration of quality.
Down round [n.]	A period in which a company's value is decreasing in the eyes of investors.
Downsize [v.]	To reduce the size of a workforce. Often begins with requests for voluntary resignations and ends with a series of layoffs.
Drill down [v.]	To look into thoroughly. "Let's meet this afternoon and drill down on this one."
Drink from the firehose [v.]	To be inundated with information. Suggested by Crazy Renee.
Drink the Kool-aid [v.]	To accept company policy without question.
Drive beyond the headlights [v.]	To get ahead of oneself. "Stop me if I'm driving beyond my headlights here, but I want to share an amazing home-based business with you that could change your life." Suggested by Crazy Renee.
Drop-dead date [n.]	The REAL deadline. Missing it often means dire consequences.
Dropping packets [v.]	A state of forgetfulness caused by burnout or lack of sleep. "You hungover again? You've been dropping packets all morning..." Suggested by David M.
Dub-dub-dub [n.]	A quicker (and nerdier) way to refer to the beginning of a website address or the world wide web in general. "You have to check out dub-dub-dub dot..." Suggested by Chandra C.
Duck shove [AUS-n.]	The act of passing an undesirable job or inquiry to an unsuspecting third party. "I just duck shoved all the paperwork to Jonathon."
Duck shuffler [n.]	Someone who disrupts your affairs after you've finally gotten all your 'ducks in a row.'
Ducks in a row [exp.]	To become organized.
Due Diligence [n.]	The thoroughness required to ensure success in business decision-making. Suggested by Pulkit B.

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