The Ridiculous Business Jargon Dictionary: S-words

Do you wonder where your co-workers picked up all the ridiculous things they say? From fresh-faced interns to top management, everyone drops one of these gems occasionally. We can only hope that you're not here to actually add buzzwords to your vocabulary.

Sacred cow [n.]	A program or product that may be unprofitable, but cannot be questioned.
Sacrifice [v.]	Yet another gentle name for firing people. "We'll have to sacrifice a few customer service positions."
Safe harbor [n.]	The office bathroom. Often the only place to find a moment of peace at work.
Salesblazer [n.]	The main way that tech and artist types dress up their jeans-based style when meeting clients or presenting.
Salt mine [n.]	Menial work.
Sandbag [v.]	1) An unethical attack. 2) A tactic used by salespeople where closing a sale is purposely delayed into the next month to improve their overall commission. Suggested by Ryan.
Sausage and the sizzle [exp.]	Used by sales when comparing substance (sausage) versus marketing spin (sizzle). "John you've got the sausage, but where's the sizzle?" Suggested by Guy from Melbourne.
Scab [n.]	A union term for undesirables such as strikebreakers and non-union employees.
Scarlet letter [n.]	A symbol of shame.
Scooby Snacks [n.]	Token compensation. "The gift certificates they gave us instead of a Christmas bonus were total scooby snacks."
Scope creep [n.]	The tendency of a project's purpose to expand to suit the ambitions of the pushiest stakeholder. Suggested by Ellen B.
Screw the pooch [v.]	To avoid doing anything productive. "Are you going to sit there and screw the pooch all day?" Suggested by Natalie R.
Scrub [n.]	An entry-level employee. Usually replaceable.
Scuttlebutt [n.]	Gossip or rumors.
Sea legs [n.]	The point when a new arrangement becomes stable and comfortable. "We're still establishing our freemium sea legs…"
Seamless [adj.]	Describes a system so well integrated that it seems like a contiguous whole. Even if it's all held together with paperclips and chewing gum inside. Suggested by Robert S.
Second .coming [n.]	The re-emergence of Internet business as a viable way to make money.
Security theater [n.]	A very visible display of security to compensate for a true lack of it.
Sense check [v.]	The process of ensuring that something 'makes sense'. "Can you sense check the second paragraph? Not sure if I'm being clear." Suggested by Simon H.
Serial entrepreneur [n.]	A person who starts several (not necessarily successful) business ventures.
Serving suggestion [n.]	A recommended quantity (not food related). "Hit me up with a serving suggestion on the social media ad buy." Suggested by B. Potter.
Shanghaied [adj.]	1. Forced to work a job on a ship overseas. 2. Forced to watch your job as it's shipped overseas (to China).
Sheep dip [n.]	A tedious corporate briefing where attendance is mandatory and recorded for all employees. Suggested by Paul K.
Sheep it [v.]	To follow a ridiculous company policy without complaint. Suggested by Kevin.
Shelfware [n.]	Purchased or developed software that is never actually used. "150 grand later and all we've got to show for it is a fancy piece of shelfware." Suggested by Gordon M.
Shield time [n.]	The time spent in a vehicle (behind a windshield) with a coworker or boss.
Shirt size [n.]	The quantity of effort required to complete a task, recorded as S, M, L, etc. "Sprint kicks off tomorrow, did you clear that shirt size with the scrum master?" Suggested by Geraldo.
Shoot the puppy [v.]	To take an unpopular action. "We have to shrink the department, but I don't want to be the one to shoot the puppy this time." Suggested by Graham.
Shotgun approach [n.]	A wide, untargeted strategy.
Shoulder tap [n.]	An informal request made in passing. A good reason to avoid the boss in the elevator, hallway, kitchen, parking lot, and the bathroom. Especially the bathroom. Suggested by Fuehrer.
Show coach [n.]	A manager who claims to lead by example. Suggested by Thomas L.
Show pony [n.]	Someone who superficially presents well but lacks real depth. "The conference floor was nothing but show ponies and booth babes." Suggested by Tony.
Shrink [n.]	Retail losses from shoplifters.
Sidebar [n.]	A whispered conversation between co-workers during a meeting or presentation. "Don't let me interrupt your little sidebar ladies, but we have 30 more slides to get through." Suggested by Trickyn.
Sideways [adv.]	The direction of failure. "If this launch goes sideways, they'll liquidate the entire department."
Signature basis [n.]	Solely based on one's name and reputation.
Silo [n.]	The set of responsibilities assigned to a given employee. "I'm sorry, customer service is outside my silo." Suggested by Lee K.
Silver bullet [n.]	An infallible business solution.
Silver ceiling [n.]	The barrier to promotion that many older employees face.
Simmer [v.]	To allow time for an idea to be fully considered. "Give them a week to simmer before you pull their feedback."
Single pane of glass [n.]	A marketing claim that everything can be monitored and controlled from one display. "Networking perfection. On a SPOG." Suggested by Ray B.
Skiing off-piste [v.]	Completing a common task in an unconventional manner, usually at great personal risk if it all goes wrong. Suggested by Dangerous Pete
Skills ecosystem [n.]	The total collection of individual team-members' skills, which are hoped to be mutually supportive. Suggested by Darren F.
Skillset [n.]	A collection of abilities, commonly matched to a set of requirements. Even more commonly embellished by job-seekers. Suggested by David.
Skip-level meeting [n.]	When a member of senior management meets with low-level workers directly to see who's brave enough to ask a question (or offer dirt on their supervisors). Suggested by Kurt.
Skull session [n.]	A collaborative meeting to generate new ideas (a brainstorm by any other name…). "Skull session. My office. Oh-nine-hundred." Suggested by Brendan
Slave trader [n.]	An affectionate term for the human resources department. Suggested by BitHacker.
Sledule [n.]	A project schedule that continually slides to the right due to poor planning and underestimated tasks. Suggested by Kenny B.
Small cap [adj.]	Insignificant or low priority. "You're a small cap man and you think small cap."
SME [n.]	Subject Matter Expert. The resident guru for a given topic. "I can't remember how to work this damn photocopier. Who's the SME for this machine?" Suggested by our spies at a Fortune 100.
Smell test [n.]	A disgusting little term for using common sense to make a quick judgment. Anyone else cringe every time you see it in print?
Smirting [v.]	Taking the opportunity to flirt with co-workers while huddled together for an outdoor cigarette break. Suggested by John I.
Socialize [v.]	To facilitate group discussions about an issue. "Let's give them time to socialize the new material with their teams." Suggested by Asiya.
Soft pedal [v.]	To give a false impression that progress is being made. "We soft pedaled the client to buy us an extra week."
Soundbites [n.]	Key points delivered as a quick summary. "Stop running your mouth and just give me the soundbites." Suggested by Ronnie I.
Soup to nuts [exp.]	From the start to the end of a project, in reference to the first and last courses of a formal meal. Suggested by Jonathan S.
Space [n.]	A really douchey way to refer to a market or industry. "We're looking at full saturation in the tablet space by Q3." Suggested by Corinne F.
Speak to [v.]	To address. "Yield the floor, sir, and I will speak to your point!"
Speaker-phone voice [n.]	The characteristic volume level that people feel they must use when on speaker-phone.
Speaks to [adj.]	1) Evokes: "This image speaks to the bravery of the troops." 2) Represents: "The bold font in our logo speaks to the fact that we're bold." Suggested by Mike T.
Special Projects [n.]	Tasks given to formerly favored executives that have screwed up. Lets them pretend to have a real job while looking for a new position.
Special sauce [n.]	Anything of a proprietary nature.
Spend [n.]	An amount of money paid out. "What was our total ad spend last month." ...And I'm spent.
Spitball [v.]	1) To estimate. 2) To conceive an idea; brainstorm. "Let's run through your sales deck and spitball a new angle."
SPOC [n.]	Single Point Of Contact. "I'll have my SPOC get in touch with your SPOC."
Spokesweasel [n.]	A public relations agent.
Squeeze the sponge [v.]	To extract every last bit of knowledge that an employee gained during a company-funded training event. "Let's review your conference notes. I want each department to sit down with you and squeeze the sponge." Suggested by Jon F.
SSSD [n.]	Same Shit Same Day. Working the third shift often means leaving at 6AM and returning the same calendar day at 10PM, only to encounter the SSSD. Suggested by JC.
Stakeholder management [v.]	The art of acquiring enough opinions from people, groups, or leaders within a company to deflect blame if a project doesn't meet expectations. Suggested by Laurie R.
Stakeholdering [v.]	The process of seeking support, approval, or clients for an upcoming project. "I spent the entire Christmas party stakeholdering upper management on my Q1 initiatives."
Stall nap [n.]	A short, pants-optional sleep taken in the office bathroom.
Standing room only [exp.]	Where buyers are led to believe there are many others interested in an item.
Starter marriage [n.]	A brief first marriage ending in divorce.
Statistical massage [v.]	To present numbers in a way that conveys a desired message.
Stealth parenting [v.]	Running errands for your kids after telling your boss that you have a business obligation.
Stepford Worker [n.]	An employee that has bought the corporate party line completely and become an unthinking clone.
Stick to your knitting [v.]	1) To focus on one's main areas of business, often at the expense of other departments. 2) To be steadfast.
Stick-around [n.]	A meeting that takes place directly after another, in the same location. "We had a two hour stick-around after the project meeting yesterday."
Strap-on [v.]	To try something. "Before you judge my idea, why don't you strap it on for a while."
Strategic incompetence [n.]	Feigning an inability to complete a particularly boring or demeaning task. Suggested by EC Nottus
Strategic planning [n.]	Pointless tautology used when the word 'planning' doesn't quite sound impressive enough by itself. Suggested by Rob.
Stress puppy [n.]	A person who is continuously anxious and lives for any sympathy gained from complaining about it.
Stretch assignment [n.]	A project given to an employee that is just beyond their current skill level. Neatly avoids the cost of an actual promotion. Suggested by Robert
Sunset [v.]	To slowly retire a product line. "We need to sunset last year's model over the next two months." Suggested by Johnny P.
Sunshine enema [n.]	After massive layoffs, this is the spin campaign given to the remaining shell-shocked and fear-crippled employees. Suggested by Tom T.
Super [n.]	Supervisor, for those who are too lazy to say the whole word.
Surface [v.]	To raise an issue. "Don't forget to surface your concerns with the VPs."
Surplused [v.]	Yet another way to describe being fired. "We surplused a few people last week." Good lord.
Swampland in Florida/Arizona [n.]	A sarcastic offer made in response to perceived gullibility or ignorance. "If you believe that, I've got some prime swampland in Florida to sell you..."
Sweat equity [n.]	An intangible asset earned by the hardworking, under-paid employees of small start-up companies. "I know I can't exercise the options until next year, but the 80-hour weeks are building swequity."
Sweat the asset [v.]	Getting the most out of your hard-working employee. "Our productivity systems ensure that you sweat the asset to the max." Suggested by LW.
Sweetheart deal [n.]	An arrangement where existing clients receive more favorable terms than new clients.
Swim lane [n.]	1) A visual element showing task assignments in a process diagram. 2) Field of responsibility. "Listen, client management just isn't in my swim lane. Suggested by Chad.
Sympvertizing [n.]	Advertising that attempts to sympathize and identify with the consumer.
Syndicate [v.]	To distribute a document or idea to collect feedback. "Make sure you syndicate that pitch deck to the whole cap table." Suggested by Ian S.