The Ridiculous Business Jargon Dictionary: M-words

Do you wonder where your co-workers picked up all the ridiculous things they say? From fresh-faced interns to top management, everyone drops one of these gems occasionally. We can only hope that you're not here to actually add buzzwords to your vocabulary.

Macromanager [n.]	A manager that tries to direct matters outside of his department.
Mad money [n.]	Capital that moves quickly and unpredictably.
Magic bullet [n.]	The mythical perfect solution to a given business problem. "There's no magic bullet to collateralized debt securitization." Suggested by Steve B.
Major player [n.]	A person of influence and power within a given group. "So who are the major players at the table?" Suggested by David.
Make waves [v.]	To cause conflict or argument.
Making sausage [v.]	When employees discuss potential financial gains from a customer, in the presence of the customer. "The next time I catch you making sausage in front of a client, you're fired." Suggested by Dan.
Malicious obedience [n.]	The act of following a boss's instructions explicitly, while hoping for failure. It can also involve remaining quiet about any discovered mistakes or poor judgment.
Management porn [n.]	A long slide presentation of useless facts and figures, created to distract managers and give them something to salivate over. Suggested by Scott.
Marinate [v.]	To allow some time to consider an idea privately. "I'll just let that one marinate… Catch you on the circle back tomorrow am." Suggested by Richard
Market-facing [adj.]	A role that requires interaction with clients. Contrast with the funny-looking bunch relegated to the back office.
Marketecture [n.]	Technical advertising, usually including diagrams. "Make sure their techies get our latest piece of marketecture." Suggested by Matt F.
Matrices [n.]	A random diagram used to justify dubious calculations. "If we pause to consider the matrices…" Suggested by samuel
Matrix team [n.]	A group assembled from diverse departments to solve a complex problem. "Pull in a matrix team so we're covered-off end to end."
McJob [n.]	A demeaning or low ranking position.
Meanderthal [n.]	A person who has difficulty expressing themselves succinctly. They often give long, unfocused presentations.
Meat and potatoes [v.]	Basic or traditional. "Your meat and potatoes approach isn't going to work with this crowd." Suggested by Mrs. B. Trellis of North Wales.
Meat on the bone [n.]	Profits. "Give me a month. One good land will put more meat on the bone." Suggested by Catherine M.
Meeting assassin [n.]	Someone who hijacks a meeting with excessive questions or endless follow-on observations. See also: Dr. Freeze. Suggested by Gary D.
Meeting fill [n.]	Employees that have limited knowledge, but are attentive and deferential. Prized by ineffective managers everywhere. Suggested by Rob H.
Melt-down [n.]	Complete product failure.
Meritocracy [n.]	An organization in which the success of individuals is claimed to be based only on their aptitude.
Meta ignorance [n.]	Being unaware of what you don't know. A common problem for managers and politicians.
Mickey Mouse [adj.]	A trivial solution.
Milk [v.]	To take advantage of a favorable situation. "Andrea's really milking the fact that she's the boss's daughter.
Mission critical [adj.]	Something that is vital to the success of an organization. Easy on the army lingo, solider.
Mom-and-pop [n.]	A small-time operation.
Mommy track [n.]	The dead-end career path on which those with family responsibilities sometimes find themselves.
Monday morning quarterback [n.]	A person who offers criticism only after something negative has occurred.
Moonshot Division [n.]	The internal group that works on difficult and risky projects (that have a huge potential return). Suggested by Jeff B.
Mouse potato [n.]	The modern cousin of the couch potato. They typically spend hour after hour in front of the computer.
Move the needle [v.]	Tangible progress. "You talk about efficiency, but when are you going to actually move the needle?" Suggested by Jeremy.
Move things forward [v.]	A generic way of saying 'get something done', without actually having to think about what that entails. Suggested by Paul G.
Moving the goal posts [v.]	Changing the parameters of an ongoing project. "How can we hope to deliver on time if the client keeps moving the goal posts?" Suggested by Thomas.
Mucus trooper [n.]	Your colleague that always gets the worst colds, yet still makes it in to work to cough it all over you.
Multi-slacker [n.]	A person who can perform many unproductive things at the same time. These include phone conversations, instant messaging, and web surfing, often on company time.
Muppet shuffle [v.]	The shifting of under-performing or troublesome employees to other unsuspecting departments. Suggested by David.
Mushroom principle [n.]	A management practice that involves keeping subordinates in the dark and feeding them shit. Suggested by Elliott.
My understanding [n.]	A fine bit of rhetoric that avoids committing to a yes/no answer. "Is it black or white? Well my understanding is black." Suggested by Henri