Do you wonder where your co-workers picked up all the ridiculous things they say? From fresh-faced interns to top management, everyone drops one of these gems occasionally. We can only hope that you're not here to actually
C-level [adj.] | Describes the people at the top of a company that get fancy 'C' titles such as C.E.O., C.F.O., and C.O.O. |   |
Cabinet condom [n.] | Tape applied to the button of a filing cabinet to prevent it from being locked (since the key has long since disappeared.) |   |
Cadence [n.] | A far too poetic way to describe how often a scheduled event is repeated. "If we just hit the right cadence on our sprint meetings…" Suggested by brat. |   |
Cafeteria plan [n.] | A package of benefits that allows the employee to make choices. |   |
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Calendar tickler [n.] | A calendar entry with a reminder alarm. Usually sent as an Outlook meeting request. "Throw a tickler on my calendar so I don't forget to join the call." Suggested by Erika S. |   |
Call on the carpet [v.] | To discipline. "If you keep exaggerating your expenses, it's only a matter of time before you get the carpet call." |   |
Can I stir fry an idea in your think-wok? [exp.] | Could I have your opinion on this issue? |   |
Cannibalize [v.] | To launch a new product that takes market share away from one's own established products. |   |
Capsizing [v.] | Laying-off employees (downsizing) to the point where an organization can no longer function. |   |
Captive lunch [n.] | When management wheels in the sandwiches at 12pm, just when you thought you could escape to run a few errands. Suggested by Tom T. |   |
Care [n.] | Synonym for 'concern'. Used by managers who don't want to admit to having concerns. "I have a care about this budget decrease." Suggested by NoTable. |   |
Career Limiting Move (CLM) [n.] | An action or comment that could hinder the future progression of one's career. |   |
Career suicide [n.] | An action that causes you to lose both your current job, and any chance you'll find another one in your field. "If you blow the whistle on this, it's career suicide." |   |
Carpool tunnel syndrome [n.] | The semi-conscious state that is the result of repeated early morning ride sharing. |   |
Carrots and sticks [n.] | Incentives and punishments. "If you want to motivate these clowns, try less carrot and more stick." |   |
Carte blanche [exp.] | The freedom to make any and all decisions. |   |
Cascade [v.] | Disseminate, for people who aren't comfortable saying the word disseminate. "Document the learning and cascade it down the ranks." Suggested by Robin G. |   |
CFO [n.] | Chief Finagle Officer. The person who's responsible for manipulating a company's finances to avoid legal penalties. |   |
Chainsaw consultant [n.] | Someone brought in to do management's dirty work at lay-off time. |   |
Change agent [n.] | Someone who claims to be a catalyst for improvement and the adoption of new technologies. |   |
Change management [v.] | The act of guiding a company through internal or external changes. Suggested by Clive N |   |
Charm school [n.] | A derogatory term for new manager training. "After the harassment case, my boss was shipped off to charm school." |   |
Chartists [n.] | Market analysts who feel that they can beat the market by reading graphs. |   |
Chasing butterflies [v.] | A state of distraction experienced by those who are easily distracted. "Jim never finishes anything; he's off CB again." Suggested by Brian. |   |
Chasing down smokestacks [exp.] | Placing sales calls to industrial companies. |   |
Checked Eskimo [v.] | When a clearly unqualified individual lands a job or promotion they should have had no chance at getting, that person must have "checked eskimo" on the application. Suggested by David. |   |
Cheese chew [v.] | Performing an unwelcome chore to please another. Suggested by Rob T. |   |
Chicken shop [n.] | A department or company that produces substandard work. "Their parts had a 20% scrap rate last quarter. I'm never dealing with that chicken shop again." Suggested by Rod SW. |   |
Chime in [v.] | A timid little way of indicating that you have a point to make. "Can I just chime in on that one?" Alternative: Just start talking. Suggested by Jerry P. |   |
Chinese fire drill [n.] | A project or meeting that is characterized by frantic confusion. Suggested by Jacada. |   |
Chinese wall [exp.] | Procedures to guard information. |   |
Circle-back [v.] | To revisit an issue. "I'm heading to lunch now, but let's circle-back Friday am." Suggested by Randi |   |
Circular file [n.] | The garbage can. "Toss that newsletter in the circular file for me." |   |
Circular firing squad [n.] | A dysfunctional group that's on the verge of collapse because of infighting and bickering. |   |
Cleans up well [adj.] | Describes a technician or software developer who can actually speak with the customer without embarrassing the company. |   |
Clock tower attrition [n.] | Rapid-fire job cuts at the hands of an overzealous manager. Suggested by kramtronix. |   |
Clocksucker [n.] | A completely unproductive employee; a waste of company money. Suggested by Lee. |   |
Close of play [n.] | The end of the workday. "You have until close of play Thursday to make it right, or I'll have to write you up." Suggested by Bill F. |   |
Coal face [n.] | The department that actually works to deliver products and interact with clients. "Give me an opinion from someone at the coal face." Suggested by Joel |   |
COB [n.] | Close Of Business. That magic moment that comes but once each day -- quitting time. Suggested by our spies at a Fortune 100. |   |
Cold towel [n.] | To put on hold. "Let's cold towel your feedback until you get back next week." Suggested by Gordon. |   |
Color outside the lines [v.] | To ignore established rules/limits of behavior. Pseudo-profound boss says, "The lines haven't changed, your coloring has." Suggested by Catherine |   |
Column-shaking [v.] | Threatening to uproot the traditions (or bad habits) of a company, usually with new and unconventional ideas. |   |
Come to Jesus meeting [n.] | A term of southern American origin that refers to a serious meeting with an individual or team. These meetings often involve ultimatums for performance improvement. Suggested by aclassicgirl. |   |
Commonplate [v.] | To present a topic for consideration, so that all members of a group have the same information. "Now that I've commonplated the issue, can we come to a reasonable decision?" |   |
Comp [adj.] | The cool way to say complimentary. |   |
Compliment sandwich [n.] | A pointed criticism delivered between two compliments to dull the blow. Build them up, tear them down, then leave on a positive note. Suggested by Jeff B. |   |
Cone of Silence [n.] | Indicates a private, confidential conversation. "I have something important to share with you. Can we put on the Cone of Silence?" Suggested by Jonathon T. |   |
Connectivity [n.] | The extent of one's professional network. "The right equity partner will deliver on their connectivity from day zero." |   |
Contemplation [n.] | Thought or group consensus. "Just spoke with management and the contemplation is that we're behind schedule." |   |
Contraction [n.] | Widespread layoffs. "In order to prepare the organization for sale, all employees should brace for further contraction." Suggested by Elizabeth M. |   |
Contrarian [n.] | An investor who makes decisions in opposition to mainstream ideas. |   |
Cook the books [v.] | A fraudulent attempt to falsify company records. |   |
Cookie cutter [adj.] | A generic person, product or approach. "I'm so tired of these cookie cutter b-school grads." |   |
Cooperative competition [n.] | A classic management oxymoron presumably referring to mutual benefits experienced by two competing firms. |   |
Coopetition [n.] | The ruthless struggle between an organization's departments for limited budget dollars, staff and equipment, despite the fact that everyone involved should be supporting the overall mission. Suggested by Aidan. |   |
Core competencies [n.] | A company's most successful skills and activities. Often leveraged. |   |
Corporate memory [n.] | The entire set of company files and records. "Never in corporate memory has the board been so disrespected." Suggested by Eimear B. |   |
Cost containment [n.] | An attempt to reduce expenditures. |   |
Counterposing [v.] | When ground-level staff outwit management by using more jargon, more pointless questions, and more vague commitments than their superiors. Suggested by Captn Freedom. |   |
Covered-off [adj.] | Describes something that has been completed or otherwise taken care of. "Let's make sure those requirements are covered-off." Suggested by Garry. |   |
Cowboy [n.] | A worker that is difficult to supervise. |   |
CPB [v.] | Conducting Personal Business. Using company resources and time for things that aren't work-related (there's a good chance you're doing it right now). |   |
CPS [n.] | Cheap Plastic Shit. Promotional items (often made of plastic) distributed through advertising, corporate gifts, trade shows, or other give-away programs. Suggested by Jocelyn S. |   |
Craft [n.] | An insufferable way to refer to your line of work. "Honing your craft...? First of all, data entry is not a craft. And you're really not much of a honer." |   |
Createalytics [n.] | The art of manipulating data to support a preconceived decision. |   |
Creative [n.] | An art or design asset. "Call the vendor and push a rework on the creative." Suggested by Jamie |   |
Critical mass [n.] | 1) The point reached by a new idea or product just prior to explosive market growth. 2) The point when an issue can no longer be avoided and must be addressed immediately. |   |
Critical mass [n.] | Enough. "My instructions were clear: Don't stop hiring until staffing reaches critical mass." Suggested by Hugh Y. |   |
Criticality [n.] | An extreme level of importance. "I cannot emphasize the criticality of this issue enough." Suggested by Shane H. |   |
Cronyism [n.] | Playing favorites among close associates. |   |
Cross sabers [v.] | To have a conflict. |   |
Cross-pollination [n.] | The generation of ideas that can occur when individuals from diverse backgrounds are brought together. "By removing your cubicle walls, we hope to cultivate the opportunity for cross-pollination." |   |
Cross-training [v.] | Learning a colleague's job so you can perform it, in addition to your own, when they disappear during vacation, maternity leave, or the latest round of layoffs. Suggested by Isabella. |   |
Cubicle vultures [n.] | Those who gather office supplies from the desk of a fired co-worker. |   |
Curate [v.] | Adds a whiff of sophistication to any mundane selection process. "As Chief Social Media Jedi, you'll be deeply involved in curating our Pinterest identity. Suggested by mcdermott |   |
Customer intimacy [n.] | A measure of how well a company knows its client base. Protip: Never say "customer intimacy" in front of the customer. |   |
Cut the mustard [exp.] | To perform adequately. |   |
CYA [v.] | Cover Your Ass. To exercise caution to avoid blame. "You better CYA on this one. We can't afford the bad press." |   |
Cyberslacking [v.] | Wasting company time by casually browsing the Internet or instant messaging. Suggested by Mike. |   |
Cycle [n.] | An employee's time, broken down into sections. "I'll have to check if she has any free cycles for this task." Suggested by Renee. |   |